Revised Summary/ Plan/ Update

My survey is ready to go and will be linked here very shortly via google document. With my survey I hope to discover the stereotypes of children of divorced parents from both sides of the situation: a married or divorced upbringing. My questions are tailored to each person of either category. It'll be interesting to receive a majority public opinion of the topic.

Research Update

I'm still going through with my survey strategy for this project. I've made a list of questions to ask on my survey with questions that are tailored to persons with parents who are together OR divorced. It'll be interesting to see the replies and final results. I'm not targeting a specific age group but these questions will lead me to a better understanding of children of divorced parents stereotyping. Because of the anonymity I hope the answers on the survey will be honest, but there's always a chance of false replies. I plan to put the survey on a website and get enough hits on it to be able to gather enough information and write a report about my findings.

Strategy/Plan for Research

My research method is going to be in the form of a survey in which I am going to ask a series of questions for children with divorced parents and children whose parents are still married. I am going to administer an online survey and hopefully gather at least 20 responses. I expect to target a 16-22 year old age group and hope to receive enough feedback to determine if child-stereotyping of children of divorced parents is as prominent as it was in the past.

Research Method

The first quarter of school is over and I've completed my semester 1 project; now, for the second part of my project, I'm going to utilize my information in the form of a research method. I'm thinking about doing a survey or a questionnaire where I ask people about their preconceived stereotype of children of divorced parents. Out of all the methods this one will give me the majority's view of children of divorce because of the large amount of responders and most accurately represent how these children are viewed in this year.

Divorce's Silver Lining for Daughters?

New research suggests that "bad divorces" are more beneficial for daughters than "quiet divorces." Professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, Norval Glenn, and director at the Institute for American Marriage and Families, Elizabeth Marquardt, said that "successful" young adults who have undergone "quiet divorces" still carry internal scars with them. Bad divorces are considered to be preferable to good ones in some areas.
Of their research, the most interesting discovery was that daughters of "bad divorces" were more likely to have a lasting, fulfilling marriage when compared to daughters of "good divorces."
This could be because of the opposite effect which is when a child can see their parents' mistakes and avoid them in their lifetime.
"Good divorces" says psychologist Michael Bradley, "confuses kids." It's more common for children to grasp the idea of a conflicted marriage that leads to divorce.
I think this is a really interesting article and I agree that "good divorces" can possibly confuse children because it's uncommon, but it's only seen in this way because that's the way it's projected into society. "Good divorces" should be embraced because both parties can accept their differences and move on from them in a mature way.

Divorce and Children: "Facts"

"The divorce of parents, even if it is amicable, tears apart the fundamental unit of American society," is the opening statement of the video embedded above. This video contains many controversial "facts" that once again portray children of divorced parents negatively. All of these "facts" are debatable and many children who have experienced their parents' divorce disagree with the video. One person commented, "This is horrible I am a child of divorce and I have none of these problems."

This first statement really caught my attention, though. All of these statistics of children of divorce are based of what American society has decided its core values to be. Family is a longstanding tradition in the United States so divorce is still somewhat seen as a taboo. Public opinion of society fundamentally forms our own opinions and outlooks. Maybe if divorce is seen as less of a taboo, these negative stereotypes of children of divorce can be changed.

Pets and Coping

The Power of Pets is an article relaying the profound emotional effects of animals on children who have divorced parents. Besides teaching children responsibility, animals give children a sense of empathy, purpose, and belonging. Chris, a child who had a golden retriever when his parents divorced, remembered feeling needed by a non-judgmental and loving animal; he also relieved his personal stress by going on runs with his dog. Being a "pet parent" is a great way for children to cope with their sadness, yet experts also warn against rushing to the pet store after a personal grief occurs because it could add more stress to a situation or become too involved with the animal emotionally that it could consume you.

I believe that after waiting and grieving, an animal could be an excellent option for recovery. Once mourning over an emotionally significant event in your is finally over, the next step is recovering from said event. Do you think that committing to an animal is a good way for children to deal with their stresses and satisfy their emotional needs? Or is committing to an animal too big of a responsibility for a child to undergo?

Divorce's Affect on Children: Grown Up

Sociologist Constance Ahrons conducted a study that entailed her interviewing 98 pairs of parents who had been legally divorced for the time period of one year. She later re-interviewed the parents and 173 adult children from 89 of the original pairings.

From these 173 adults, 79% of them saw positive outcomes from the divorce. This is huge! Usually we only hear about the negative side effects on children but that's at such a young age where they can't fathom what's going on. Is daddy leaving forever? When these children grow up they look back on their upbringing and come to realize that what happened is for the best. Of course divorce isn't easy and can have lasting effects on some, but it doesn't necessarily mean that a family is destroyed. Divorce did not cause any family problems, life before it did. Incompatible relationships, not children form the foundation of divorce. When interviewing a 3, 9, or 12 year old about their parent's divorce they're most likely going to repeat what their parents tell them or what that they don't understand what's happening. When interviewing the same a decade or so later, they'll realize that their parents weren't as happy as they could've been and that in the end, divorce probably made the family closer.

Children's "Rights?"

The website, childrenanddivorce.com, posted a list of the "rights" of children who are going through a divorce. The privileges are taken from the book Don't Divorce Your Children and state that, "recognizing these rights is the key to healthy and joyful post-divorce relationships with children." I've listed them below:

--A lasting relationship with both parents --Number one status in their parents' lives  --Parental cooperation throughout the divorce  --Truthful answers to their questions  --Relief from feelings of guilt and blame --Freedom from interparental hostility --Attention to their thoughts and feelings  --Input into the visitation schedule  --Privacy in communication with family and friends  --No displacement by competing relationships --No requirement to parent their parents --Freedom from the role of messenger --No coercion to keep secrets  --An understanding of the divorce agreement Some I agree with, others I believe are controversial. The one's that I think are debatable are colored in red, the one's I believe are idealistic yet unattainable are colored in blue, and the points in black are givens.  Parental cooperation throughout the divorce and truthful answers to the children's questions are harsh, difficult to understand and confusing. Divorce should be explained in a way that allows the child to grasp it without thinking differently of either parent. "Why are you getting divorced?" asked the five-year-old to her mother. "Because your father cheated on me," she replied. A child who is five years of age should not know what that means or think illy of her father at such an age. Being completely honest with your children is not always the greatest thing to do. Throughout the divorce process it's important to hold back some of the truth from your children.  Privacy and communication with family and friends and an understanding of the divorce agreement are idealistic pursuits. I don't think they're obtainable, however, if the child is a younger age. The child isn't going to understand why mommy is moving out or why daddy has an apartment away from home. An understanding of the divorce agreement would require an extreme amount of maturity that most children do not possess. Privacy should be a right to all people as well, but if a child's mom or dad hears him or her speaking on the phone about the divorce, they're going to eavesdrop. Who wouldn't want to know what their child thinks of the divorce and what he or she is telling her friends about it?  Do you think all of these points are "rights"? Do you find any controversies in these points?

Positive/Negative: Effects of Divorce on Children

Assumptions are made when it comes to married families with children:
1. if the parents are together, the children will be happy
2. it's more beneficial for children to be raised in a fighting-free environment
3. even if the couple were to divorce, the children would bounce back quickly.

But in 1971, Judith Wallerstein started a study on th effects of divorce on children where she proved the above assumptions as false. In her study, she stated that children were suffering deeply from their parents' split, even up to decades after. She also notes that parenting is less stable after undergoing a divorce and because of this many children assume the role of a parent and care for their younger siblings and supervise their homework while cooking and cleaning up after them; these children close their own emotions off in order to help their family. Children have a 'second-class' childhood, says Wallerstein, making themselves sick over the health of their parents.

Judith Wallerstein also states that children benefit from staying in the same home and school, and having an involved father, but because divorce usually breaks this up, children feel emotionally distressed.

There is another myth that divorce is a silver-lining for children in unhappy marriages. I believe this is a huge possibility that most people overlook because of stereotypical outlooks on children of divorce.This article, however, fails to note an equilibrium between both myths. There is a balance between the two because I grew up in a similar environment. Divorce doesn't always have to be a bad thing; it's hard at first, but personally, I'd rather be from a family that's happier apart than unhappy together.

Daughters and Divorce

In 2010 an article was published by the NY Times asking if girls caused divorce. When two college students collaborated from the universities of Rochester and U.C.L.A., they discovered there was a role in gender and divorce; that role was a 5% gap between the likelihood of parents to divorce if they gave birth to girls as opposed to boys. Besides our country's cultural belief that boys are easier to raise than girls, could they really be the cause of divorce? Steven Landsburg answered this study with an interesting argument, stating that perhaps boys make marriage more bearable; fathers are more likely to stay in a marriage if they have a son. Also answering this study was a Notre Dame professor, Anita Kelly; Kelly turned the question around and questioned that maybe women with daughters depend less on their husbands. Mothers and daughters hold a special bond and can depend on each other in times of loneliness and despair.

...Or maybe it's a possible combination of both sides. While it's true that males and females can share gender bonds, there are so many things to take into account before judging some things. Age, gender, religion, culture, ethnicity, home-life, and attitude to name a few. Everyone makes assumptions and everyone judges, but not everyone does these things with the entire picture in mind; it depends on many other external factors. The bottom line is: we will never know the full story. We cannot average all divorces together and pop out its underlying cause. Do you think there is truth behind the role of gender in divorce?

Divorce

Intro

The divorce rate of first year marriages in the United States is 41%; it's commonplace to be raised in a single parent household and have divorced parents. This topic stood out to me because I stemmed from this particular type of environment. Along with the title of divorced parents comes the preconceived stereotypes; this includes:

•  negative labeling from peers
•  being seen as coming from a broken family
• having the label of a rebellious, misunderstood child

The list is boundless. With this blog, I am going to focus on the faulty and cliched perceptions of divorce on children in hopes of reshaping this superficial perspective.